There are probably thousands and thousands of paradoxes in this universe. However, I notice right away just straight from the grandfather, and of course the one, which I do on New Year's could / had to.
I and a friend were guests at the group chat company, in which we both also get involved. From there I received many positive comments about my appearance and like I said before, this will work for me also always negative, and this time even after quite strong. Why was it so strongly this time was, one probably in my emotional world that was just a little upside down or to the drugs (beer, champagne, etc.) that are taken on New Years Eve.
I know absolutely nothing, but when I got only some of these again amazed and super nice compliment and I looked at it briefly after the umpteenth toilet in the mirror, I asked myself as much as never before. I'm really a woman?
Yes. I am one. So clearly this is incredible as it seems to me at once. For years I have been told to be a man, for years I forced myself to accept it, live, to BE. But I could never really clear, at least not in everyday life among strangers. Acquaintances and friends took me, as I was. But actually I was not. I did not exist and this was the reason that I am whenever possible refuge in fantasy worlds. Books were initially and from the first PC there were of course the game worlds, which forced me to reality and thus escape from myself.
Digression: This was also a theme in the New Year's group, as many flee from us in such worlds, or in the work to escape reality and its apparent hopelessness.
Among friends, I was so well accepted as I was .... even though I was only partially successful, but this is still better than among strangers, be it on the train or at the mall, where I will do no more. I did what I had there and disappeared. The less contact you have with people, the less can notice that, you're different. And be different, was (and still is) particularly in the school absolutely lethal for social interaction.
So I gradually understand my past better. Among friends, I was probably as 30-50% I myself among strangers, however well-maximum 10%. People notice immediately if they have a bad actor in front of him and so I was one. I was trying to sell something, which I was not convinced and that I was, I as a man is only thanks to good luck but it was always kind of forward in my life.
But this shows me again and again, how wrong-headed, respectively, this world is our society. If we are finally free in our thinking (or at least try to begin to think for yourself), then we would almost certainly accept that there may be women / girls with penis, as natural men / boys with vulva.
If this had been already so, as I grew up, my life would have been entirely different, almost certainly less depressed. But I will not complain, but rather be grateful that I am at least finally arrived in myself and I am now back to focus on other things.
I wish every person that he can recognize and accept himself. That it is recognized by its environment and thus ultimately may experience real happiness.
I wish you all a great 2010
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